[ His hiccupping, staccato breaths aren't much better but he tries to imitate Hua Cheng's demonstration which he knows is entirely for his benefit and upsets him even more. ]

No. You deserve someone better. I want to go back to our wedding night!

[ Bursting into the tears he's been trying to hold back, he buries his face in Hua Cheng's neck and clings to him in terror of being pushed away. His voice is watery and he sags unhappily, wishing he could at least spare Hua Cheng such grim accidents like sharing his husband with someone he could call a friend. His only, if anything ever came close over the years, or at least an equal. ]

I want to go back! Back to when everything was perfect. I hate this place! It's turning me into some kind of ...

[ Whore. ]